Compassionate Leadership - The Importance of Compassion in Improving Your Life and Relationships
Why Compassion is So Important
Dr. Layne McDonald
We live in such a busy world. With everyone in the family either going to school or working, “busy” is the new normal. You hear about either being more, doing more, or buying more. Self-care falls by the wayside; spending time with others is minimal at best, and worst of all, compassion becomes a luxury, not a necessity.
The Benefits of Compassion
Compassion boosts your health and well-being. There are many benefits to taking on being compassionate both for yourself and, equally as necessary, for others:
For Yourself
· You feel good about yourself.
· You exude more confidence.
· You have a softer, gentler, kinder demeanor.
· You attract more positive people, situations, and experiences.
· Your health improvement brings more energy, better sleep, and life experiences.
For Others
· You are a contribution to others when you show compassion.
· You let them know they are not alone.
· Other people reap the rewards of feeling related, understood, and full of hope.
· Others who are equally kind and compassionate will draw near to you.
· You become a role model for others on how to treat themselves.
· You become a role model for others to improve their relationships.
· You create a ripple of compassion that positively affects many people.
How Being More Compassionate Changes Your Life
You are Compassionate to yourself as a new way of improving many areas of your life. When you are compassionate to yourself, you reap the benefits and the rewards.
Self-Compassion allows you to care for your own needs by being kind and gentle to yourself when you fall short. As humans, we all fall short; sometimes, we do not reach our goal, and sometimes the actions of others impact us negatively. We make mistakes, forget things, lose our cool, and overreact. We are human. Understanding that we are human allows us to be kind and compassionate and ask ourselves what we learned from experience.
Self-soothing is shown to have many benefits. Being compassionate to ourselves is a better use of energy. Imagine the time and trouble it takes to feed a negative mindset in reaction to a mistake. We can, instead, take time to self-soothe. We can move forward more quickly rather than ruminating on our mistakes. We can learn and grow and keep moving forward – the actual definition of life.
More importantly, we train others to do the same when we show compassion. If we beat ourselves up, we permit others to do the same. We also model how we expect others to treat us when we show mercy.
The Impact of Compassion on Your Relationships
While we are all interested in changing and improving our lives for the better, what about the impact compassion has on our relationships? Navigating through life means taking responsibility for our actions; however, we also navigate many relationships within families, work, and society.
Showing compassion allows us to make a difference in someone else’s life. People need to know that we understand and are there for them. Loving and supporting others is the catalyst for helping them through the rough patches of life. What is better than being a contributing factor to changing the direction of someone else’s life? Now that is powerful!
When we offer compassion to others, we feel good about ourselves and make a difference to them. It is a win/win situation.
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Three Powerful Practices of Highly Compassionate People
What does success have to do with being a compassionate person? The answer is a lot. When you think of someone sympathetic, do you associate it with someone with a martyr/victim personality? Most folks associate compassionate people with soft or weak.
However, compassionate people have fantastic superpowers – they know how to use compassion as a strength, not a weakness. Here are a few habits of highly compassionate people.
They do not Take Things Personally.
People who emulate compassion for themselves and others have learned the art of not taking things personally. They know that when a mistake happens, that is simply a fact – an error occurred. They do not focus on how much of a failure they are or how stupid they feel. They merely focus on the problem and do not internalize it as being about themselves. This allows them to take the next step.
The Move Forward Quickly and Rebound
Since compassionate people practice self-compassion as well as compassion for others, they can move forward quickly. They do not make problems, mistakes, or situations about them.
There is less ruminating, worrying, and talking about problems. There is more of a focus on moving forward and creating creative solutions.
They Come up with Solutions to Problems
Empathetic people can feel what it is like for someone else to experience pain, almost as if they were the ones experiencing it. This offers them a fantastic vantage point for problem-solving. Rather than ruminating, compassionate people come up with creative solutions to complex problems.
A compassionate person can see and feel others' pain points. This offers them an advantage in helping others solve those problems. This one quality has many benefits:
· In relationships, compassionate people can empathize with others and are better able to problem-solve.
· In business, compassionate people can feel their client’s pain points, communicate with empathy, and help them find creative solutions.
· Socially, compassionate people invite others to be vulnerable due to their trustworthy and empathic qualities.
· Compassionate people have a superpower in being able to listen effectively to what people are saying and even what they are holding back on, as well.
Compassion is an attractive quality. Compassionate people have an uncanny sense of other people. This enables them to feel, see, and hear what others are experiencing. Compassionate people can draw near those who need their gifts, skills, and talents. This allows them to succeed and excel in personal relationships and business settings.
The personality trait of being compassionate is not one of weakness. It is one of my strengths. Maintaining a balance between compassion and having firm boundaries is a winning combination.
Where can you find ways to be more compassionate to yourself? Where can you find ways to be more sympathetic to others?
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/curious-isolated-young-woman-looking-away-through-metal-bars-of-fence-with-hope-at-entrance-of-modern-building-3808801/
Three Myths About Self-Compassion
We hear a lot about self-compassion these days, and, for most, the concept is foreign. Just a generation or two ago, the mindset was that life was hard, extremely hard, and that was all there was to it. Men worked day and night; women tended to the family and home. Husbands and wives woke up to the rooster crowing sound and then went to sleep with the sun setting. They did this day in and day out with little or no time for themselves.
Myth Number One: Self-compassion is a Fad
Today, however, we are more self-aware than ever. Self-help and self-improvement have gone from being a luxury to part of our daily routine. Humanity is more evolved; we are conscious creators of our lives to make a difference in the lives of others, as well.
However, one of the biggest myths is viewing self-compassion as a buzzword or a fad. Much work in the field of personal development and psychology is showing the long-term benefits of self-compassion. When we take on the practice of self-compassion, there are many benefits, but here are the most important two:
· Being compassionate to ourselves helps us feel better, work better, and play better
· Being sympathetic to ourselves in life’s daily moments helps us take the burden off expecting others to do it for us
Myth Number Two: Self-compassion is Selfish
For many people, doing things just for themselves that make them happy and that do not include others can feel selfish. This is far from the truth; when we do something for ourselves, we bring joy to ourselves. If you take some time to journal throughout the day about how many times you are hard on yourself, you will be surprised. When you take on the practice of self-compassion, there are many benefits:
· A more positive, optimistic attitude
· Less bitterness, resentment, and angst
· You are more pleasant to be around and represent a role model for others
· A happier, more empathic mindset means a more comfortable, healthier mind, body, and spirit
We take the burden off others to always be the ones who need to soothe us, nurture us, and take care of us. We all need others when life throws us a curve; however, we can practice self-compassion to combat those negative thoughts in our heads daily.
We all have an inner critic, and when we use the practice of self-compassion to challenge those thoughts, we are all the better for it.
Myth Number Three: Self-Compassion is only for Spiritual Folks
Self-compassion has nothing to do with being spiritual, religious, or new age. Self-compassion produces results. Imagine being in a meeting or part of a project and something goes awry (as things often do). Taking the time, energy, and, most importantly, the focus off yourself and onto troubleshooting and problem-solving changes the course of the project. Not only does it change the system, but it also changes the outcome.
Asking the inner critic a few questions helps improve your life:
Is this helpful?
Is this internal criticism a fact? Am I a mistake, or did I make a mistake?
Where can I learn and grow from this?
How can I use this to rebound quickly and make a better decision?
As you can see, self-compassion comes from a logical place when we challenge that inner critic.
Look and see where you can, in your life, challenge the inner critic, dispel these myths, and make a difference.
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Compassion vs. Empathy: What is the Difference?
Compassion and empathy are often substituted for one another, but they do not have the same meaning. Understanding means having sympathy and concern for someone else’s suffering and wanting to go alongside them on their journey. At the same time, empathy is defined more as understanding and relating to another person's feelings.
Let us look at both:
Compassion
To have compassion for someone means to show sympathy and concern for someone or something (i.e., a pet or an endangered species). Charity is driven by wanting to change that person’s life, standing alongside them as they suffer and suffer, and holding space for them as they go through a difficult time.
Compassion means being supportive in words, thoughts, and actions.
Words of comfort – compassion is shown in language by offering convenience. Have you ever attended a funeral and offered condolences and positive words of encouragement? That is compassion.
Compassion in thought – mercy is also shown by offering up effective listening. Letting someone know they are in your thoughts and prayers offers support and encouragement during their difficult period. Letting someone know you are thinking of them, praying for them, and holding space to listen and be there for them is an act of compassion.
Compassion in action – Acting steps by physically taking care of things while someone is having trouble shows mercy. For example, picking up your friend’s child from school while visiting her husband at the hospital is compassion. Caring for the home, cooking a meal, making phone calls, and helping organize paperwork are all examples of kindness.
Empathy
Empathy for someone means you understand what they are going through – either through a relatable experience you have previously undergone or through an ability to feel what they are going through because of your empathic superpowers.
Sharing thoughts and emotions with someone else is an example of empathy. Understanding how someone else is feeling is another. The heart uses emotional intelligence to understand, feel, or relate to someone else’s feelings.
How to be More Compassionate
One of the best ways to become more compassionate is to start with yourself:
· Think kinder, gentler thoughts when the inner critic tries to take over.
· Take more compassionate actions toward yourself.
· Tell yourself you are worthy of self-compassion and leave the guilt at the door.
Once compassion for yourself is a new habit, release that to others. Once your compassion cup is complete, you can then and only then share compassion with others.
How to be More Empathetic
If you find you are not the most empathetic person in the world and want to take on this characteristic, here are a few ways to become more compassionate:
Listening without judgment, without the desire to respond, and without thinking a million other thoughts is a great way to be more empathetic.
Relate - try to understand what it might feel like to be that person or to have that experience. Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes goes a long way toward being more empathetic.
Be Real – show up as raw and vulnerable, and you are on your way to being more empathetic. Letting your guard down allows someone else to enter.
These are the differences between compassion and empathy and how to implement more of each throughout the day.
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Can You Train Yourself to be More Compassionate?
Have you ever met someone with so much compassion and wondered how you could be more like that? If so, you are not alone. Some people are born with the ability to be compassionate to humans, pets, wildlife, and even nature. While compassion is a trait that is both biological and learned from our environment in childhood, there are ways to train yourself to be more compassionate if you wish.
Compassion is a Practice
If being compassionate is a way of being which is unfamiliar to you, it will take some practice. Like any other new habit you wish to form, it will begin as foreign until you make it more familiar. The brain is a creature of habit and gravitates to what is expected – whether that is a positive trait or a negative pattern.
Training your brain to be more compassionate is a practice like any new habit you wish to create. Compassion begins with self-compassion. Set an intention to be more self-compassionate, and you will be amazed at how much your everyday, ordinary life improves. Taking on self-compassion lightens the load, makes each day a little brighter, and softens life's difficulties.
Here are some ways to practice self-compassion:
· Talk back to that negative voice in your head; when you have a thought, which is negative about yourself, challenge it.
· Counteract every negative thought with a positive one. For example, if you find yourself being hard on yourself, remind yourself how you have been through difficulties before and have come out simply fine.
· Compliment yourself on a well-done job and let go of guilt for feeling proud and accomplished.
· Give yourself a break now and again; you do not always have to aim for perfection. Doing your best is what counts.
· Treat yourself to something nice; do something nice for yourself.
· Speak to yourself and treat yourself like you would your best friend
Take the time to practice self-compassion. Once your cup is overflowing, you have so much more to give. Self-compassion is not selfish; it is necessary so you can give back to others.
Compassion to Others
· Take time to notice and journal throughout the day each time someone is compassionate to you. Take notes and learn how to apply those same principles to others.
· Join an accountability group to create the new habit of being compassionate to yourself and others
· Take time throughout your busy day and pause – ask yourself, where and how can I show compassion in this situation?
· Instead of reacting to someone else’s negative mood, take a moment to ask them if they are okay. Chances are their negative mindset is a cry for help, for someone to listen or to ask!
Compassion as a Habit
Knowing where, how, and when you can apply compassion to both self and others is the perfect way to create compassion as a habit.
· Practice self-compassion
· Ask where, how, and when you can offer compassion to others
· Notice compassion
Take on these practices; before you know it, compassion will become a natural part of your life.